Well with my update in cancer news comes an update in my blog. I went in on Monday to get my results and lo and behold she said lets starts your chemo today. Talk about a surprise! So here was the news as far as I can understand. I am in stage 2 of the cancer because it is in multiple lymph nodes but it is all contained above my diaphragm. My heart and lungs are in great condition but the chemo can effect this and weaken both areas, hopefully not. I will do my treatments on the 1st and the 15th of every month.
Figuring out that I would get my first treatment on Monday and doing it was kind of a big deal. I started crying but I'm not sure why. I guess I was scared? Being the best friend that she is as soon as I told Anna she came up to the hospital as soon as possible so that she could be there for me. I don't think she realizes just how much it means that without question she is always there for the big stuff. Her support means the world to me. The guy stuck the needle in my port and I just sat there while the drugs went through my body. I guess it isn't exactly what I expected but then again I don't really know what I was expecting. It did hurt a little when he put it in and took it out because it's still sore from surgery but it really wasn't that bad. Now I just wait. I wait for the medicine to work.
They gave me LOTS of nausea pills to help prevent me from getting sick but none of it is guaranteed. So far I haven't felt too bad. I got my nails done after the treatment and started feeling queasy there but not for long. Today I have felt fine for the most part but right now I'm not feeling the greatest. I don't know if it's the chemo or not, and I don't know how I will feel tomorrow. It sucks to not be able to plan ahead because you don't know how things will affect you. I don't have a lot of patience for taking my days one at a time because I'm such a planner.
Speaking of planning I am supposed to lose my hair in about two weeks. As crazy as it sounds this has to be the worst part for me. I would almost rather just have the cancer right now...I mean it doesn't hurt and I still look beautiful. I can remember thinking when I was little that the only thing beautiful about me was my hair. Not that I still believe that but I do know that with out my hair and eyelashes and eyebrows I'm not going to be looking the way I want to. I also have to admit that I'm 20 years old and a part of me still wants to find that special person in my life...and how am I supposed to do that with no hair? So I'm looking for wigs and hoping for the best.
So no lessons to be learned here really today. Just thoughts on everything that's going on. I'm ready to get back to normal now. I hope I don't feel too sick in the next few days and I'm just glad that thanksgiving is right around the corner so that I get to see my family...and that is that. :)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
The hardest day yet
Friday was by far the hardest day yet of my cancer journey. They scheduled me to get everything done in this one day. I mean sure I was "getting it over with" but I'm not gonna lie, it was AWFUL. I hated every second of it, and yet I found more love and appreciation for those around me than I ever have before. So get ready, and this is not for the weak... I'm about to walk you through my day.
It started with the surgery to get my port put in. We were all there waiting anxiously for them to call me back. When they finally did they made me go back there all alone. I have never been more nervous in my life. They get everything set up and have a guy come in to tell me exactly what they were going to do (I didn't want to know). Then I get the worst news of all. I'm going to be awake for this operation. I was told the drugs would make me forget, but oh I didn't forget. I remember every part. I felt the sharp sting at the numbing went in. I felt the pressure and heard them cutting me open. The worst part was when they stuck the catheter to my vain in my neck and I could feel the pressure from them connecting it and pushing it up my neck. All I could think is"think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts" as tears ran down my cheek and all I wanted to do was go home.
After this event was over they wheel chaired me to the bone marrow aspiration place. I've heard this hurts and I was scared. This lady came and asked me if I would donate some bone marrow so that they could use it for research. I cried as I told her yes I would. This could help someone else in the future, I had too. My dad went in this room with me. I felt again as she numbed up the area and stuck in the huge needle. "Do you feel the tap tap tap on the bone?" she asked. oh I did and I was scared out of my mind. she had to find the same spot with the needle again. Each time she hit the wrong spot I felt sharp pains and she had to try again. Then came the worst part. She found the spot and said this will be what hurts. I've never felt pain like that in my life as she tore that piece of bone out. I cried like a baby, but the worst was over.
From this point forward my day was not as bad. We should have had a lot of waiting, but I realized more than ever that God was with me when we got to do everything else early and I got to leave by 5. The heart test was easy. They drew blood, put radiation in it and stuck it back in. Then took some pictures. The lung test I just did some breathing exercises. The PET scan was only bad because I was hurting and ready to go home. I sat back there with more radiation going through my body and listened to music until I had to get the imaging done and lay still for 30 min.
At the end of the day I was so grateful that I had those who were there for me. Each person played their own little role in helping me out through out the day. I told my mom that I knew I wouldn't be so strong if it wasn't for my family and friends that have been there for me. This is where God gives me my strength. These people who every day do amazing things for me with out even realizing how much they have done. I couldn't ask for a better support group and I couldn't feel more loved.
It started with the surgery to get my port put in. We were all there waiting anxiously for them to call me back. When they finally did they made me go back there all alone. I have never been more nervous in my life. They get everything set up and have a guy come in to tell me exactly what they were going to do (I didn't want to know). Then I get the worst news of all. I'm going to be awake for this operation. I was told the drugs would make me forget, but oh I didn't forget. I remember every part. I felt the sharp sting at the numbing went in. I felt the pressure and heard them cutting me open. The worst part was when they stuck the catheter to my vain in my neck and I could feel the pressure from them connecting it and pushing it up my neck. All I could think is"think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts" as tears ran down my cheek and all I wanted to do was go home.
After this event was over they wheel chaired me to the bone marrow aspiration place. I've heard this hurts and I was scared. This lady came and asked me if I would donate some bone marrow so that they could use it for research. I cried as I told her yes I would. This could help someone else in the future, I had too. My dad went in this room with me. I felt again as she numbed up the area and stuck in the huge needle. "Do you feel the tap tap tap on the bone?" she asked. oh I did and I was scared out of my mind. she had to find the same spot with the needle again. Each time she hit the wrong spot I felt sharp pains and she had to try again. Then came the worst part. She found the spot and said this will be what hurts. I've never felt pain like that in my life as she tore that piece of bone out. I cried like a baby, but the worst was over.
From this point forward my day was not as bad. We should have had a lot of waiting, but I realized more than ever that God was with me when we got to do everything else early and I got to leave by 5. The heart test was easy. They drew blood, put radiation in it and stuck it back in. Then took some pictures. The lung test I just did some breathing exercises. The PET scan was only bad because I was hurting and ready to go home. I sat back there with more radiation going through my body and listened to music until I had to get the imaging done and lay still for 30 min.
At the end of the day I was so grateful that I had those who were there for me. Each person played their own little role in helping me out through out the day. I told my mom that I knew I wouldn't be so strong if it wasn't for my family and friends that have been there for me. This is where God gives me my strength. These people who every day do amazing things for me with out even realizing how much they have done. I couldn't ask for a better support group and I couldn't feel more loved.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Weekest Link
Today was pretty eventful and proved to me that I'm not the same old Megan like I want to be. It was my first day back to work and I can't really say that I was looking forward to it but I know I need the money and I thought it would be good to get back into some routine on things. I felt fine all morning until almost one and all of a sudden I was light headed. I went and set down and got me some water. I would be fine I assured myself and Katy as she asked if I was okay, but then as I tried to get back up and do my job I figured out I wasn't as okay as I wanted to be. I was trying to get some ladies checks out and I had to go sit down again. This time I was afraid I wasn't going to make it to the chair before I fainted, but I made it and I was okay. Every attempt at getting back up and standing for only about five min. made me feel this way. Needless to say I had my step dad pick me up and I went home without finishing my work. I realized when I got home that I only ate a salad last night and a brownie this morning. Used too that wouldn't affect me that bad but I got me something to eat and went to sleep.
I got a call from the nurse to set up my appointment with an oncologist. She scheduled it with Dr. Maddox at 12:30 on Wednesday. I'm supposed to work 11 to cut on Wednesday so I had to get someone to cover my shift. Once again I won't be able to do my job as I had planned. When I talked to the nurse about my episode this morning she said that I'm going to feel fatigued because of the cancer and this is normal. She said I need to eat right and get plenty of sleep. Those 2-3 hour naps plus the 9 hours a night of sleep I've been getting are apparently normal and my body needs it.
I feel like a complete failure at work. I didn't realize this was going to be quite so hard. My step dad thinks that I should take a sabbatical from work for a while and he might be right, I might have to. I don't want to though. This is going to prevent me from having money to go out to eat and hang out with my friends. It also means that my parents will have to take on the responsibility of making my car payments and insurance payments on top of paying for my oncologist and surgery bills. My parents are worried and stressed enough about me as it is. I really don't want them to have extra bills and stress added on to them. However, if I continue to work and feel like this every time I work then it will create more trouble for those that I work with. They don't need someone that can't stand up for too long trying to run around and serve tables.
I'm reminded that as much as I want to tell everyone that I am perfectly okay, I'm not exactly perfectly okay. My body needs much more rest and strength and my life is just plain not normal right now. I have been reading my bible more but I started in Matthew, the lessons God are teaching me there are very interesting. I am reminded by Him that He is still my strength in every way I need. No matter what little trials I seem to be going through now...in a year they may not even matter. Again I am just taking this one day at a time. I'm praying that God continues to show me the right steps to take and only that I have the courage to follow Him in the right direction in every choice I make.
I got a call from the nurse to set up my appointment with an oncologist. She scheduled it with Dr. Maddox at 12:30 on Wednesday. I'm supposed to work 11 to cut on Wednesday so I had to get someone to cover my shift. Once again I won't be able to do my job as I had planned. When I talked to the nurse about my episode this morning she said that I'm going to feel fatigued because of the cancer and this is normal. She said I need to eat right and get plenty of sleep. Those 2-3 hour naps plus the 9 hours a night of sleep I've been getting are apparently normal and my body needs it.
I feel like a complete failure at work. I didn't realize this was going to be quite so hard. My step dad thinks that I should take a sabbatical from work for a while and he might be right, I might have to. I don't want to though. This is going to prevent me from having money to go out to eat and hang out with my friends. It also means that my parents will have to take on the responsibility of making my car payments and insurance payments on top of paying for my oncologist and surgery bills. My parents are worried and stressed enough about me as it is. I really don't want them to have extra bills and stress added on to them. However, if I continue to work and feel like this every time I work then it will create more trouble for those that I work with. They don't need someone that can't stand up for too long trying to run around and serve tables.
I'm reminded that as much as I want to tell everyone that I am perfectly okay, I'm not exactly perfectly okay. My body needs much more rest and strength and my life is just plain not normal right now. I have been reading my bible more but I started in Matthew, the lessons God are teaching me there are very interesting. I am reminded by Him that He is still my strength in every way I need. No matter what little trials I seem to be going through now...in a year they may not even matter. Again I am just taking this one day at a time. I'm praying that God continues to show me the right steps to take and only that I have the courage to follow Him in the right direction in every choice I make.
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