The hardest day yet

Friday was by far the hardest day yet of my cancer journey. They scheduled me to get everything done in this one day. I mean sure I was "getting it over with" but I'm not gonna lie, it was AWFUL. I hated every second of it, and yet I found more love and appreciation for those around me than I ever have before. So get ready, and this is not for the weak... I'm about to walk you through my day.

It started with the surgery to get my port put in. We were all there waiting anxiously for them to call me back. When they finally did they made me go back there all alone. I have never been more nervous in my life. They get everything set up and have a guy come in to tell me exactly what they were going to do (I didn't want to know). Then I get the worst news of all. I'm going to be awake for this operation. I was told the drugs would make me forget, but oh I didn't forget. I remember every part. I felt the sharp sting at the numbing went in. I felt the pressure and heard them cutting me open. The worst part was when they stuck the catheter to my vain in my neck and I could feel the pressure from them connecting it and pushing it up my neck. All I could think is"think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts" as tears ran down my cheek and all I wanted to do was go home.

After this event was over they wheel chaired me to the bone marrow aspiration place. I've heard this hurts and I was scared. This lady came and asked me if I would donate some bone marrow so that they could use it for research. I cried as I told her yes I would. This could help someone else in the future, I had too. My dad went in this room with me. I felt again as she numbed up the area and stuck in the huge needle. "Do you feel the tap tap tap on the bone?" she asked. oh I did and I was scared out of my mind. she had to find the same spot with the needle again. Each time she hit the wrong spot I felt sharp pains and she had to try again. Then came the worst part. She found the spot and said this will be what hurts. I've never felt pain like that in my life as she tore that piece of bone out. I cried like a baby, but the worst was over.

From this point forward my day was not as bad. We should have had a lot of waiting, but I realized more than ever that God was with me when we got to do everything else early and I got to leave by 5. The heart test was easy. They drew blood, put radiation in it and stuck it back in. Then took some pictures. The lung test I just did some breathing exercises. The PET scan was only bad because I was hurting and ready to go home. I sat back there with more radiation going through my body and listened to music until I had to get the imaging done and lay still for 30 min.

At the end of the day I was so grateful that I had those who were there for me. Each person played their own little role in helping me out through out the day. I told my mom that I knew I wouldn't be so strong if it wasn't for my family and friends that have been there for me. This is where God gives me my strength. These people who every day do amazing things for me with out even realizing how much they have done. I couldn't ask for a better support group and I couldn't feel more loved.