Well with my update in cancer news comes an update in my blog. I went in on Monday to get my results and lo and behold she said lets starts your chemo today. Talk about a surprise! So here was the news as far as I can understand. I am in stage 2 of the cancer because it is in multiple lymph nodes but it is all contained above my diaphragm. My heart and lungs are in great condition but the chemo can effect this and weaken both areas, hopefully not. I will do my treatments on the 1st and the 15th of every month.
Figuring out that I would get my first treatment on Monday and doing it was kind of a big deal. I started crying but I'm not sure why. I guess I was scared? Being the best friend that she is as soon as I told Anna she came up to the hospital as soon as possible so that she could be there for me. I don't think she realizes just how much it means that without question she is always there for the big stuff. Her support means the world to me. The guy stuck the needle in my port and I just sat there while the drugs went through my body. I guess it isn't exactly what I expected but then again I don't really know what I was expecting. It did hurt a little when he put it in and took it out because it's still sore from surgery but it really wasn't that bad. Now I just wait. I wait for the medicine to work.
They gave me LOTS of nausea pills to help prevent me from getting sick but none of it is guaranteed. So far I haven't felt too bad. I got my nails done after the treatment and started feeling queasy there but not for long. Today I have felt fine for the most part but right now I'm not feeling the greatest. I don't know if it's the chemo or not, and I don't know how I will feel tomorrow. It sucks to not be able to plan ahead because you don't know how things will affect you. I don't have a lot of patience for taking my days one at a time because I'm such a planner.
Speaking of planning I am supposed to lose my hair in about two weeks. As crazy as it sounds this has to be the worst part for me. I would almost rather just have the cancer right now...I mean it doesn't hurt and I still look beautiful. I can remember thinking when I was little that the only thing beautiful about me was my hair. Not that I still believe that but I do know that with out my hair and eyelashes and eyebrows I'm not going to be looking the way I want to. I also have to admit that I'm 20 years old and a part of me still wants to find that special person in my life...and how am I supposed to do that with no hair? So I'm looking for wigs and hoping for the best.
So no lessons to be learned here really today. Just thoughts on everything that's going on. I'm ready to get back to normal now. I hope I don't feel too sick in the next few days and I'm just glad that thanksgiving is right around the corner so that I get to see my family...and that is that. :)
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ReplyDeleteFirst off, i love you very very much and you made me cry when i read these last two posts :P.
Secondly, who are you kidding??? Youre going to look absolutely BEAUTIFUL with or without hair. Anybody would be crazy not to see that!! And I mean that with everything in me! I know you will find that right person, and I can't wait til that day comes so that I can celebrate it with you and go on many many double dates :)) Let me know when you wanna go look at wigs and i'll be there!!
Keep your head up and know im only a phone call away. God gave you this obstacle for a reason, let Him see your strength, and see that you will shine through even your darkest days all the while giving Him the glory. Everything else will work out just the way it needs to. I can promise you that!
Megan, I absolutely LOVE you, and I hate that I can't be there for you through all of this! :( But I will be home for Thanksgiving, and I AM GOING TO SEE YOU!! This all sounds very miserable, but God works in strange ways and I know that this will be used to glorify Him, and in that you should take great joy! And He will never put you through more than you can handle.
ReplyDeleteAlso, don't you even worry about what you will look like! You are GORGEOUS, and nothing will change that! If it's the right guy, he will love you for YOU. Aaaannnnd, if it was me, I would just get some really crazy wigs and change them out every day! I really like the hot pink one in your profile picture.... just sayin. :P
I love you. I miss you. I can't wait to see you next weeeeek!!! :D
Hey girl! Remember that when you lose your hair you are gonna shave my head (but you can leave the beard and eyebrows and eyelashes...) and then we are going wig shopping!
ReplyDeleteAnd before you get all down about losing your hair...you should be aware that a lot of us guys think the sexiest women are those with either really long hair or bald. Seriously, Eve Salvail, Demi Moore in GI Jane, Amber Rose, Natalie Portman in V For Vendetta, Sinead O’Connor and w-a-y before your time, the bald chick in the first Star Trek movie and Grace Jones.
My last shoot with Jennifer Barker was one in which she wore 3 wigs. She had her hair in one of those skull cap things and I almost tried to get her to pose just like that. It is amazing how much more delicate her face looked "without" hair!
So listen to your photographer! YOUR face is beautiful. I fully expect you to be one of those whose beauty is magnified.