Today was pretty eventful and proved to me that I'm not the same old Megan like I want to be. It was my first day back to work and I can't really say that I was looking forward to it but I know I need the money and I thought it would be good to get back into some routine on things. I felt fine all morning until almost one and all of a sudden I was light headed. I went and set down and got me some water. I would be fine I assured myself and Katy as she asked if I was okay, but then as I tried to get back up and do my job I figured out I wasn't as okay as I wanted to be. I was trying to get some ladies checks out and I had to go sit down again. This time I was afraid I wasn't going to make it to the chair before I fainted, but I made it and I was okay. Every attempt at getting back up and standing for only about five min. made me feel this way. Needless to say I had my step dad pick me up and I went home without finishing my work. I realized when I got home that I only ate a salad last night and a brownie this morning. Used too that wouldn't affect me that bad but I got me something to eat and went to sleep.
I got a call from the nurse to set up my appointment with an oncologist. She scheduled it with Dr. Maddox at 12:30 on Wednesday. I'm supposed to work 11 to cut on Wednesday so I had to get someone to cover my shift. Once again I won't be able to do my job as I had planned. When I talked to the nurse about my episode this morning she said that I'm going to feel fatigued because of the cancer and this is normal. She said I need to eat right and get plenty of sleep. Those 2-3 hour naps plus the 9 hours a night of sleep I've been getting are apparently normal and my body needs it.
I feel like a complete failure at work. I didn't realize this was going to be quite so hard. My step dad thinks that I should take a sabbatical from work for a while and he might be right, I might have to. I don't want to though. This is going to prevent me from having money to go out to eat and hang out with my friends. It also means that my parents will have to take on the responsibility of making my car payments and insurance payments on top of paying for my oncologist and surgery bills. My parents are worried and stressed enough about me as it is. I really don't want them to have extra bills and stress added on to them. However, if I continue to work and feel like this every time I work then it will create more trouble for those that I work with. They don't need someone that can't stand up for too long trying to run around and serve tables.
I'm reminded that as much as I want to tell everyone that I am perfectly okay, I'm not exactly perfectly okay. My body needs much more rest and strength and my life is just plain not normal right now. I have been reading my bible more but I started in Matthew, the lessons God are teaching me there are very interesting. I am reminded by Him that He is still my strength in every way I need. No matter what little trials I seem to be going through now...in a year they may not even matter. Again I am just taking this one day at a time. I'm praying that God continues to show me the right steps to take and only that I have the courage to follow Him in the right direction in every choice I make.
"I am reminded by Him that He is still my strength in every way I need. No matter what little trials I seem to be going through now...in a year they may not even matter. Again I am just taking this one day at a time."
ReplyDeleteBless you, I need to be reminded of this as well. Love you!
As much as I think you need to keep living your life as normal during this time, I also think your body is trying to tell you something. So maybe you SHOULD back off for a bit and let the body concentrate on getting better.
ReplyDeleteEverybody is gonna be stressed about what you are going through, but don't worry about the car and the insurance and the rest of the "things" in your life. Your parents will tell you flat out that YOU and your health are infinitely more important than any of the things in your life.